I really need to just eat what I want to eat. Whatever my body is craving.

Today I have a banana and a half… frozen. WAS SO DELICIOUS. But now I am bloated and feel fat. It’s like I can’t win.

Too many carbs… Too much protein… too much fat…

I feel like everything is too much too much. I had brought my cal intake down to 1100 cals but I was still really hungry so I have been eating about 1200 instead. I know that’s just fine….

I should honestly just start eating normally. But I honestly dont know how to. I don’t know how to not track my food. I don’t know how to not TRY to get ENOUGH or TRY to cut out. I don’t know why I feel the need to have so much control.

I could just cut my calories to a low level again… but I don’t want to lose that strength. I don’t want to lose what I got back; what I have been working on.

But the whole thing is frustrating.

Goal for the next week (since I change my mind too much):

-Starting tomorrow I am going to try to limit my processed food again. If that means that I eat too many carbs in the form of fruit so be it. I am SO tired of too many carbs not enough protein…. too much fat. I am just tired of it. It is driving me NUTS.

I just want what I do to be enough.

I am so worn down… because I feel like I am not enough or I havent done enough. I started thinking about eating eggs again. Morally I can’t find anything wrong with eggs that come from a farm. From a chicken thats running around and eats the grass and lives a natural life while being cared for by humans. I have no problem with these. But then I feel this intense guilt of wanting to eat them. Then I start thinking about WHY I might want to eat eggs. Well— protein. I want to get more protein. If I dont get enough protein I won’t get stronger.

It is just stressing me the hell out.

So for the next week I am going to try to keep myself away from foods that I have to cook. Going to stick to fruits and veggies (if I have to cook veggies thats OK too). Some nuts and seeds but maybe not as many as I have had in the past.

No processed foods if I can help it.

We will see how that turns out.

in-car-nation:

trigger warning: unpopular opinion, eats dead animals
not being vegan doesn’t make me a bad person.
being a conscientious omnivorous consumer does not make me worse than every hardcore, anemic vegan eating their animal-tested m&ms, skittles, starbursts, twix, snickers, milky ways, wearing their…

Just so you realize… most vegans dont eat those candy bars… because we don’t do dairy…. twix, snickers, milky ways, m&m’s all have milk in them. Also… skittles (altho I am not sure about starbursts) I assume are made with gelatin which is why they are chewy—- we wouldn’t eat those either since that is derived from pig and cows… annnnd “natural flavors” tend to mean they are derived from animals as well which is why I at least choose not to eat that crap.

Do I think eating meat makes you a bad person? Nope. I think you are welcome to your own personal beliefs and habits. Would I feel like a bad person eating meat? Yes. I would. But that is my own personal dilemma to deal with.

Just like you are tired of feeling guilty for what you eat— I am tired of being criticized for what I eat as well. I can’t walk into a Crossfit gym without people just ASSUMING that I am not getting enough protein or that I am not going to build muscle quick enough. Seriously I get told I will be a sub-par athlete almost daily by meat eaters. I hear the same old “Well if you dont want to eat a cow because it was once alive then what about a plant? That’s alive” crap. I hear “You should just think about your goals… everyone needs to be a little selflish sometimes” crap. So just as you feel that you are being told all the time that you feel guilty for eating meat… I feel like I am doing wrong by my body NOT to eat meat. In fact I find that meat-eaters bring up this topic WAY more than I ever do. If people go on about the steak or chicken they have eaten, I stay quiet… but if I talk about how many nuts and seeds I use to supplement my protein… I get a TON of shit for it. Sometimes I dont even need to talk about it and I get shit for it. When meat-eaters ask why I don’t do things… instead of just listening they give me shit for it.

So I am sorry that you feel that vegans do the same to you… because no matter what side—— it’s shitty.

nutritiousworldofaformerfatty:

The Vegan Abolitionist: nutritiousworldofaformerfatty: The Vegan Abolitionist: .not bad this…

nutritiousworldofaformerfatty:

The Vegan Abolitionist: .not bad this morning.

nutritiousworldofaformerfatty:

So I was 118 this am. No matter if I…

I know what you are saying but if you continue with that theory and then take in the idea of speciesism — where we claim we are no better than other species then it would be almost hypocritical for us to say that sentient beings arent on the same level as others that are not. Also from what I am aware this would include oysters that are sentient….

nutritiousworldofaformerfatty:

The Vegan Abolitionist: .not bad this morning.

nutritiousworldofaformerfatty:

So I was 118 this am. No matter if I ate, if I peed, if I took a shower. all 118. This is a good number after yesterday I was weighing in at like 119 and 119.5. Of course…

Well in the area that i live… we are covered in farm lands. I actually know quite a few of the farm owners. They arent even commercial…. I have friends who have chickens just as pets and don’t choose to kill them. They just have them because they love animals. The chickens lay eggs every day just because… or at least healthy chickens do. They aren’t even fert. when they are laid….. they just go and pick up eggs just because. Also one of the programs in the non profit I work for have chickens for therapy that lay eggs in general.

The only thing that I struggle with is that they are OUR resource… but then how far do you go with that? It’s almost like you could say the same about seeds. They werent a resource for us, they are made to spread the growth of the plant… another living being…..

See what I mean?

nutritiousworldofaformerfatty:

This weekend I went to visit my mother and my step father. We had a great weekend up until yesterday. Sunday night my brother got home from work and I asked him if he wanted to play monopoly. He said yeah that would be cool. I figured it would give us something…

Thanks for your kind words. I actually ended up going and kicking my workout in the pants. I am glad I did. Am feeling much MUCH better now…. no ice cream and napping for me. And treated myself instead with a Luna Bar (my junk food) and a pear with almond butter and cinnamon (a FAVORITE snack of mine). :)